qq搞笑英文簽名
1、空口無憑，吃飯爲據。
According to a verbal statement without any proof, eat.
2、打死你，我也不會說。
Kill you, I won't say.
3、揍你個性生活不能自理！
Beat your personal life can not take care of themselves!
4、我是耶穌他兒子，椰子！
I am Jesus, his son, coconut!
5、初戀無限好，只是掛得早。
First love infinite good, just hang up early.
6、一時的衝動，子孫的危機！
A momentary impulse, a descendant of the crisis!
7、我最大的缺點，就是缺點錢。
My greatest weakness is that I'm a fault.
8、這個人很懶，什麼都沒留下。
The man is so lazy that nothing is left.
9、我和你不一樣，因爲我是人。
I am not the same as you, because I am a person.
10、醒是一回事，起牀又是一回事。
Waking is one thing, getting up is another.
11、電腦玩多了，看電視都想快進。
The computer to play more, watching TV all want to fast forward.
12、顧客不是上帝，顧客只是上當。
The customer is not God, the customer is only.
13、賤女就是矯情，賤男就是多情。
Female base is hypocritical, shizuo is full of affection.
14、壞人需要實力，敗類更需要品位。
Bad guys need strength, scum need grade.
15、找不到我喜歡的傘，我寧願淋溼。
I can't find my love umbrella, I would rather get wet.
16、人要臉，樹要皮，電線杆子要水泥。
Human face, tree bark, wire pole to cement.
17、我的精神分裂好了，我和我都很好。
My spirit is good, I'm fine with me.
18、男人有錢就變壞，女人變壞就有錢。
When men have money, they go bad.
19、起那麼早幹嘛？夜總會還沒開門呢！
What are you doing up so early? The nightclub is not open yet!
20、老孃變天鵝的時候，你還是個蛋呢。
When I become a swan, or your eggs.
21、把你的鐵石心腸含在我的櫻桃小口中。
Put you in my heart of stone containing cherry small mouth.
22、生活就是我媽生出來，我必須活下去。
Life is my mother's life, I must live.
23、我不是隨便的人，我隨便起來不是人。
I'm not a casual person, I'm not a man.
24、沒什麼事不要找我，有事更不用找我。
No things don't look for me, something more don't need to find me.
25、我那麼鍾愛你，你鍾愛我一下會死啊。
I so love you, you love me will die.
26、春不是叫出來的，是真刀真槍幹出來的！
Spring is not called out, the real thing is done!
27、我跟伍佰不熟，他弟弟二百五跟我很熟。
I'm not familiar with Wu Bai, his brother was familiar with me two hundred and fifty.
28、最是夜深人靜時，思念才變得如此放肆。
Is the night, thoughts have become so presumptuous.
29、我要努力攢錢，爭取買一個自動取款機。
I want to save money, to buy an automatic teller machine.
30、我又不是人民幣，怎樣能讓人人都鍾愛我？
I am not the RMB, how can let everyone love me?
31、人生得意須盡歡，過了山海關都是趙本山。
Life is proud to be happy, over Shanhaiguan is Zhao Benshan.
32、你那副正經的樣子，貌似真的聽懂人話吶！
You're a real person, you really understand!
33、一個人最大的悲哀，就是不願意做他自己。
One of the greatest sorrow, is not willing to do his own.
34、如果你曾歌頌黎明，那麼也請你擁抱劉德華。
If you ever sing the dawn, then also ask you to embrace Andy Lau.
35、孤單是一個人的狂歡，狂歡是一羣人的孤單！
Lonely is a person's Carnival, carnival is a group of people alone!
36、你出生後是不是被扔上去次，但只被接住次？
Were you born to be thrown into a second, but only caught?
37、繳手機費時，才知道，原來我的話這麼值錢。
Pay phone to take time, just know, my words so valuable.
38、信你一成，雙目失明；信你兩成，無期徒刑。
Believe that you are a blind eye.
39、人生只有走出來的美麗，沒有等出來的輝煌！
Life only come out of the beautiful, not so brilliant!
40、上學最開心的一句話就是：今天班主任不在。
The most happy to go to school is: today the class teacher is not in.
41、上帝說：出門不要忘記帶傘，一會兒我要澆花。
God said: do not forget the umbrella out, while I have to water the flowers.
42、人世間最蛋疼的事兒，正在做美夢呢被尿憋醒。
The world's most egg pain thing, is to do the dream is to wake up.
43、毀滅友情的方式有許多，最徹底的一種是借錢。
There are many ways to destroy the friendship, the most complete one is to borrow money.
44、青春就想爲衛生紙，看着挺多，用着，還嫌少。
As a youth is like toilet paper, looking very much, with too few.
45、那天剛睡着，收到一個短信：睡姿不對，重睡。
The day just fell asleep, received a message: the sleeping position, heavy sleep.
46、人生就是一個大市場，人在裏面都是買這賣那。
Life is a big market, people in which are sold to buy it.
47、孔子說，三人行，必有我妻。擇其靚者而娶之。
Kong Zi said, the three men will be my wife. Choose their beautiful and marry the.
48、時間對了，地址對了，情感對了，卻締造人物不對！
Time is right, the address is right, and the feeling is right!
49、我們每個人都是夢想家，當夢走了，就只剩想家了。
Everyone is a dreamer, when the dream is gone, only to home.
50、昨天去市裏參加放鴿子比賽，結果就我一個人去了。
Yesterday I went to the city to attend the pigeon competition, the result is a man went to the.
51、視金錢如糞土，但所有的人都在爭着做糞土收藏家。
Money like dirt, but all the people are scrambling to do dirt collector.
52、人家減肥減腰減**，爲什麼你非要從腦細胞開始。
People lose weight minus waist, why you need to start from brain cells.
53、請你不要說持子之手與子偕老因爲我還要黑髮飄飄。
Please don't hold hands with you because I have black hair fluttering.
54、大部分人一輩子只做三件事：自欺、欺人、被人欺。
Most people only do three things: a lifetime of self deception, deceptive, be bullied.
55、哥，哥，哥，考試信春哥，不用做功課，保我不掛科。
Brother, brother, brother, exam nobuharu brother, never do homework, I do not fail the exam.
56、你什麼時候請我吃飯，一會我就出去給你買袋乾脆面。
When you ask me to have dinner, then I'll go out and buy you a bag.
57、平時罵你就算了，非要等我打你，才知道我文武雙全。
I scold you even, than I hit you, just know me but.
58、在美人面前：有危險要救，沒有危險製造危險也要救。
In the face of beauty: there is a danger to save, there is no danger to create a dangerous.
59、不要說你不認識我，剛好我也不認識你，真是緣分啊！
Do not say that you do not know me, just I do not know you, really love ah!
60、閉上眼，幻想着與你一起慢慢變老的畫面。黯然淚下。
Close your eyes and imagine that you're slowly getting old together with you. Cry.
61、打雷的時候，站在大樹底下，對老天爺說，我也要穿越！
When it thunders, standing under a tree, for God said, I also want to cross!
62、太壓抑不好凡事適可而止不太過份你可以當什麼事都沒有。
Bad things too depressed without too much when you can not overdo sth. what did not.
63、我知道，天下無不散宴席，可是，至少，宴席上我要吃得爽！
I know that the world is a good feast, but, at least, I want to eat a good!
64、跟你很熟嗎？沒事彈個視頻，當是你家電視啊，一按就出人。
Do you know well? It's OK to play a video, when it's your home TV, one by one.
65、每個人出生時都是原創的，但可悲的是，很多人漸漸活成了盜版
Every person was born with the original, but sadly, many people gradually became piracy
66、十年知己卻不知你心裏想的是什麼那愛情讓我們都猜不透了吧！
Ten years, but I do not know your heart is what the love let us can not guess it!
67、在埃及，一個男人可以娶四個老婆，那得多累啊，還是中國好。
In Egypt, a man can marry four wives, and that much more tired, or china.
68、你大腦抽筋，小腦打結，中樞神經變態，我勸你還是**算了。
Your brain cramps, cerebellar knot, central nervous, I advise you or suicide.
69、老師講完課後道：還有哪不懂？我伸個懶腰道：老師這節什麼課啊。
The teacher finished the lesson: do not understand? I stretch: the teacher what class ah.
70、我正被川大強姦着，現在我唯一能做的就是最大限度地把姿勢擺對！
I was Sichuan rape, the only thing I can do now is to maximize the pose of!
71、股市是有經驗的人獲得很多金錢，有金錢的人獲得很多經驗的地方。
The stock market is a lot of experience of people get a lot of money, people get a lot of money to get a lot of experience.
72、暗戀是一種禮貌，自戀是一種驕傲，明戀是一種格調不戀是種味道。
Love is a kind of courtesy, narcissism is a kind of pride, love is a kind of style is not love is a kind of taste.
73、宅男宅女標準：在牀上以電腦爲圓心，以胳膊長爲半徑拿取物品活動。
Indoorsman Indoorswoman standard: in bed with computer as the center, with long arms as the radius of taking goods activities.
74、夏日來臨祝你：百事可樂美年達，非常可樂冰紅茶，可口可樂娃哈哈。
I wish you a summer season: Pepsi Cola, Mirinda, Cola Ice Black Tea Wahaha, Coca-Cola.
75、我身邊的朋友們啊，你們快點出名吧，這樣我的回憶錄就可以暢銷了。
My friends around me, you quickly became famous, so my memoirs can be sold.
76、走到考場全崩潰，見到卷子全流淚。背的東西全不考，考的東西全不會。
Go to the examination room full collapse, see paper full of tears. Back to the things of the exam, the exam will not.
77、最卑賤不過感情，最涼薄不過人心。謝謝你的笑容，讓我看不清你的心。
But the most humble feelings, the most cool thin but the people. Thank you for your smile, let me see your heart.
78、賣花的小姑娘拉着我，說道：大哥哥，買花吧，一看就知道你是花心的人。
The little girl took me, said: big brother, flowers, see that you are the person.
79、問一個淡淡的問題：鳥兒爲什麼愛在電線上排排坐？最佳解釋是在線才能聊天。
Ask a question: why do birds faint love sit in on line? The best explanation is online to chat.
80、把頭扎高，把零食丟掉，把手機放下，把眼淚擦乾，別折騰自己，姑娘你還有未來。
The snack bar head, throw away the mobile phone down, dry your eyes, don't torture yourself, girl you have a future.
